A step outside time

What an exciting day! Bear’s friend, Precious arrived at our house at 8.30 this morning and is now sound asleep in Bear’s room snuggling her cow-girl doll. Her parents are at the hospital for the birth of their brand new baby. We have done ‘normal’ things all day: had breakfast, done lots of crafting, been to the school summer fayre, played camping in the garden, had dinner, played in the bath, read bedtime stories….. How can such ordinary activities go on when something so miraculous and amazing is happening? Doesn’t time stand still for a new baby?

On these occasions, I am inevitably taken back to Bear’s birth. Each time, the memory is softened so that the traumatic bits have been peeled away a layer at a time. Maybe because I’ve told Bear about it so many times, I’m starting to believe the sanitised version myself. I guess life must have been going on outside, but I had no concept of it. I was doing something far more important. When life-changing events take place, time marches on as relentlessly as ever. You just step outside of it for a while. Anyway little treasure, I’m looking forward to meeting you for the first time and to watching you grow into yourself. Thanks for letting us be part of it!

Just like Old Times?

Bear has gone to Grandma and Grandad’s (Mr. Invisible’s parents), so we have some time to ourselves. Just like old times! We could do exactly what we like! We could go to a gallery and actually look at the artwork. We could take a stroll along the South Bank, stop at every watering hole on the way and then go for dinner or the cinema. Or we could just have a clear out. A lovely, soul-cleansing, cathartic, thorough clear out.

A couple of months ago, our nephew Ashford moved from his room on the first floor to the attic because Grandad (my Dad) was struggling with the extra flight of stairs. We wanted Ashford to have a lovely student den up there so we moved a load of stuff from the attic into our bedroom. Somehow, we haven’t done anything about it. Disgraceful!

Mr. Invisible decided to make a start in the cellar, while I tackled ‘the pile.’ This is a way of working together to promote the utmost harmony. A few boot sale boxes, recycling crates and bin bags later, I’ve made a huge sliding tackle of a start and we’ve had just the one disagreement. (Mr. Invisible thinks I won’t use my bike again as I haven’t used it in the last 10 years. I think it is my bike, so I will decide whether I will use it again or not when I have time to make such a weighty decision!)

Before Bear was born, we had stuff but not this amount and the stuff we had, we had time to keep tidy. So I see this as a bit of a new beginning, an opportunity to get back the tiniest bit of control.

So just like old times? Never again. Our lives have changed so completely, that it’s impossible to go back even for a weekend. We will enjoy a quiet dinner and glass of something this evening and a bit of a lie-in in the morning, thankful for the time together and that Bear is making memories with Grandma and Grandad.

Bear Time

Whoever said time is linear hasn’t spent much of it in my life. There are lots of types of time. Holiday time runs too fast, so it’s over before we’re ready. Negative time is where I somehow get to school to pick up Bear, even though I was just hanging up that last bit of washing five minutes before the bell. Secret time is when I arrive ten minutes early and grab a chai latte at the Larder (café just over the road to school) to stop it from becoming slow time. But in our house there is mainly ‘Bear Time’. It started when Bear was born. Before that he was in my tummy. Before that was nothing.

Yesterday, he told a friend that my mummy died while he was in my tummy. My friend started to condole with me, but Mum actually died two years before I became pregnant. So she didn’t know a bit about Bear, even for a bit. My missing mum has always been a hole in my own experience as a mother. Then my friend pointed out that all of a woman’s eggs are already  there when she is born, so in the dim (and very) distant past my mum carried Bear in her womb too. Cheers Mum!!!